guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
