Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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