if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
