Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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