What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
