i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
