worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
