I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
