At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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