Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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