My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
