I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
