she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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