She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
