I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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