Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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