Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
