Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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