OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
