i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
