Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
