Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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