We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
how drunk are you?
Several
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize