No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
What drink are we having for lunch?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
