Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
