arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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