I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
