Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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