his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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