Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
