This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
