I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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