So drunk, too bad you don't want this
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
