Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
