Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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