walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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