Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
