Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
