I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
