He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
