im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
