Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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