I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
