just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
