I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
