don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
