is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
