my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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