Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
