the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
