hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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