Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
