I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
