New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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