He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
