Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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