butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
