No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
