I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
