who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
