You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
