my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
