How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
