im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
