1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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