I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
