You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
